TWO OF THE BIGGEST MANIFESTING LESSONS I LEARNED FROM COMING OUT

I came out around age 19 or 20 -- not because I was ready, but because I was forced to. Hours earlier, my then-girlfriend called me on the phone after a 2+ year secret relationship and told me that she didn't love me anymore, she didn't find me attractive, and we were over (spoiler: we got back together for a hot minute, like, two weeks later, but that's beside the point).

I remember exactly where I was.

I remember the first thing I thought to myself: 'I'm completely alone in this because I've spent years hiding'. (literally, no one in my life knew I was dating my best friend for 2+ years)

I had no floor under my feet, and I was convinced that everyone in my life would turn their back on me. 

I remember walking back to my dorm room to write my roommate a coming-out letter (she was still asleep) and leave before I had to face the reality of what I'd been hiding. At this point, I wasn't so much scared of coming out as I was about being seen. I didn't know the difference until years later.

I'll spare you the gritty details of coming out to the other people in my life, spending days in bed with mountains of tissues, calling my mom(my) about 5 times a day at work, and obsessively cleaning my tiny little room to feel some sense of control when my world was falling apart, and I'll jump right to what I learned (that applies to you and your ability to manifest):

1. OUR FEAR OF PEOPLE TURNING THEIR BACKS ON US MAKES US TURN OUR BACKS ON OURSELVES FIRST (which ultimately keeps our desires from manifesting): this is hiding 101. We think we're hiding from other people (and that's how it manifests), but what we're really doing is hiding from ourselves, hiding from our truth, hiding from our power. The moment we shut down a part of ourselves (to please society, people, partners, clients, etc), is the moment we shut down our ability to show up as the powerful leader, manifestor, and conduit for creativity, love, and more. Hiding is an epidemic of denying ourselves OURSELVES.

I see this a lot with women I work with: they've got massive visions and goals, but they play small. At the core of that is often, "what will people think about me?", "will I still belong?", or some variation of, "will I be worthy?". Allowing our true selves to be seen (despite judgment) is one of the most radical acts of self-love there is, because it is an affirmation of the love we will unwaveringly have for ourselves.

Wanna know what happened when I let myself be seen? My world didn't end, it got bigger. I attracted more amazing people into my life, I got closer to my then-roommate (still my best friend), and my relationships got more meaningful, deeper, and more profound. Sure, I spent weeks crying and going through the spiritual growth spurt I needed to face, but everything ultimately got easier. All of that was available to me the whole time, I just wasn't allowing it. When you stay in hiding, you're also keeping what you want at an arms length away. When you stay in hiding, you stay in a state of non-receiving. 

2. BEING IN THE (sexual) CLOSET ISN'T THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE HIDE: Spending two years in hiding did a number on me. In fact, the unconscious habit spilled into other areas of my life over the years. I carried a deep fear of judgment, I binge-ate to hide my body, I didn't let anyone come into my first apartment for fear that they'd see the self-help books I'd amassed and know how 'fucked up' I was, and more. I carried it into my relationships, into my business, and into my health.

And I see it all the time in the powerful entrepreneurs, leaders and coaches that I coach.

There are tons of ways people hide: staying in the spiritual closet, trying to be "realistic", giving up opportunities for fear of being inadequate, zoning out on FB instead of writing that blog post about coming out (calling myself out, haha), not talking about what they wanna talk about, not creating what they want to create, not aligning with their truth, not using their voice, and so much more. And that's where we deny all the ways the Universe is sending us exactly what we want.

We think we're keeping ourselves safe, but really we're hiding from what we desire most: our dreams.

So with that, I invite you to take inventory, see what / where you've been hiding, and give yourself permission to come out of whatever closet you need to come out of. Even if the rest of your world falls apart (it won't), your most powerful self will be waiting on the other (and so will I). 

And remember, everything you want is on the other side of 'fuck it',
Alex

What fear of competition is really all about

Hey lovebug,

I hope you had an awesome weekend. Dre loves all things Halloween (and any other holiday) so we spent some time doing the whole haunted house thing. I'll be honest: she usually leads the way while I hide behind her with my face in her back. I'm working on my haunted house confidence. There's always next year...

Today I wanna talk about the fear of competition, and what's really going on when that strikes.

I'm no stranger to the concept of competition. I grew up with a superstar sister (All-American lacrosse player, general badass at anything she tried), so I learned early on that success looked a certain way: winning, being the best, being the most "popular". That wasn't the message that was told to me, but that's the one I picked up. 

The problem with that is that it comes directly from your scarcity identity. The part of you that thinks you need to have more or do more to be more. 

Here's what's really going on with your fear of competition (and what to do about it):

1. You're afraid there isn't enough for you: simply put, the fear of competition indicates there's a fear of lack. There's a part of you that's not fully sure if there's actually enough for you in terms of money, time, love, etc. Ironically, if you see everyone else have something you want, you've made it mean that you can't have it.

Start proving yourself wrong. Look for evidence that speaks directly to the fact that there's more than enough for you. Figuring out what you actually want to bring in, and start looking at your odds. It's likely you've got pretty good odds.

2. You don't trust yourself to make it happen: I see this one a lot in people who have identified as "lazy" or "inconsistent". Focusing on competition can sometimes be an indicator that you actually don't trust yourself to make it happen for you. Instead of admitting where you feel you're not taking responsibility, you find ways to focus on why it won't work. This allows your subconscious to play "victim" to your circumstances instead of taking control. 

Recognize if you're playing the victim, and start asking yourself how you see yourself. Creating the identity of someone who does whatever it takes is crucial when you're facing this subconscious fear.

3. Your subconscious is looking for ways to be special: I've seen this one in quite a few people. They stay stuck in the same spot because the struggle makes them feel special. They don't know who they will be without the storyline of a struggle, and it's alluring to feel special in your own flavor of struggle.

Create a new story. Write it down, recite it daily, and start living from that place. Find 10 reasons you actually do believe you're special and OWN those. Start honoring yourself.

If any of those ring a bell for you, listen to your intuition and give my suggestions a try. The fear of competition is usually a mask for something else that's going on in your subconscious, and addressing the root can be incredibly powerful. 

I've got a few Wealth Identity Immersion sessions available if you're ready to stop sabotaging, and start creating the life you're here to live.

You got this,
Alexandra

How to stop your mind when it feels like a freight train

Lovebug,

I don't know about you, but this week seems particularly crazy in the mindset department. I heard from a lot of women that they were feeling particularly doubtful, worried, stressed, and, well, like their mind was a runaway freight train headed to Nowheresville. Alright, well, maybe not that dramatic, but you get the gist.

There are a few reasons why this happens:

1. You are taking massive responsibility for shifting your mindset, and that can cause some pushback. Your ego wants to keep you nice and safe and cozy in the land of "can't", and when you get closer to creating a shift in the way you see the world the ego often wants to fight back. Inner chaos ensues.

2. You're on the verge of a breakthrough. A little bit like #1, when you are on the verge of something big happening it's not uncommon to feel like shit is hitting the mindset fan. When you create a new identity, a part of you feels like she's dying. That's dangerous to your subconscious until you create enough momentum towards what you want.

3. You fell into victim / fix mode. This can happen when we start to put too much pressure on our progress, feel sorry for ourselves, or want to rush. No bueno. 

So what do you do when you feel like your mind has entered freight train mode? 

  - Stop trying to figure it all out. Your ego loves trying to figure everything out. It finds a job in creating problems and trying to solve them. So, when you're already on the train, it's sometimes better to just get off at the next station instead of trying to figure out where it's going, where it came from, why you're on it, what will happen, etc etc. 

    - Get into your body. Getting into your body has the ability to take you out of your mind when it feels impossible. Reconnect to your inner power through your body: go for a run, take a walk, have sex, dance, punch pillows, whatever you need to do to let the energy move through you. 

    - Seek support. When your head feels heavy, it's sometimes necessary to have someone there to support it. Whether that be a non-judgemental friend, a coach, or a partner, seek some support. Without support, it's easy to get lost in the stories you're trying to avoid. The mind has a way of telling us to hide our "flaws" which often leaves us feeling alone, and that's when the freight train can get faster.

    - One step at a time. Be patient. When you think this is the "end of your progress" and you are "ruining everything", that's extra fuel. Just do your best, love yourself through it, and find the NEXT best feeling. If it's tough to go from miserable to ecstatic, try going from miserable to frustrated. One step at a time.

Your mind is a huge tool in creating the life and business you desire, so remember to utilize it before it starts utilizing you. You are always in control, I promise you that.

If you're ready to stop the self-sabotage, clean up your money blocks, and tap into your wealth identity I've got a few spots left to work with me 1:1 in an 8-week Wealth Identity Immersion. You bring your blocks, and we bust through them together. Connect with me to learn more, and we can set up a no-pressure call to begin. 

xx Alex

Why it feels like you're not getting anywhere (and how to change it):

Hey lovebug,

My whole life used to be a step towards "getting there". Lose the weight, find the partner, figure out my "purpose", make the money, and then I'll be all set, right?

In fact, right after I graduated from college, I bought a one-way ticket to Santiago, Chile without any friends, family, work opportunities or a damn clue waiting on the other side.

I thought choosing an adventure would surely be "getting there". I thought life would be MADE if I just had that one hit of "arrival".

Surely if I go on this adventure, I'll have everything figured out, right?

Then I did it with my weight. Surely if I just hit (insert number) pounds, I'll be hot and lovable and I'll have everything figured out, right?

Then I did it with love. Surely if I find love (after I figure out the weight shit, of course), I'll be confident and affirmed, and I'll have everything figured out, right?

Then I did it with purpose. Surely if I find out what I'm meant to do, I'll have it all figured out, right?

Then I did it with money. Surely if I hit X-amount per month (like I'm supposed to do in my first week of business), I'll have it all figured out, right?

But this is where that kind of thinking (and energy) screws you from getting what you want:

If you're waiting for X to feel Y, then you'll be keeping it at a distance forever.

And that's when it feels like you're doing all the things and getting nowhere.

Why?

Because we create things from the inside out. Energetically. Spiritually. Mindfully.

We create from who we ARE, not what we do. (what we do is a by-product)

We create from who we BE.

And it's the BEING that allows the things we want to flow to us in a fun (yet challenging) way.

In fact, when I finally let go of "getting there" for all those things, I opened up to let them in. My body shrunk to her appropriate and healthy size (I also feel hot). I opened up to the love of my life (she's hot too). I absolutely and unequivocally know my purpose (powerful coaching). And when I hit the x-amount per month goals, guess what? I set a new goal.

Because let's be honest: there is no arrival. You'll always be growing and wanting and learning and failing. You'll always be trying new things and achieving new goals.

The money? It's a by-product of who you're being.

The weight? It's a by-product of who you're being.

The purpose? It's a by-product of who you're being.

The love? It's a by-product of who you're being.

If you had everything you ever wanted, who would you be? Productive? Focused? Grateful? Happy?

Bring her to the table TODAY.

That's when you really get the feast.

I've got some 1:1 spots open for the woman who's ready to ignite her power and create from her inner wealth. Wanna know what it looks like? We can figure out what's best for you. PM me and let's connect to learn more about how to help you get unblocked.

xx Alex

How to tell if it's fear or intuition

Love bug,

I don't know about you, but the first time someone told me to "listen to my intuition", my first thought was, how the F do I listen to my intuition when I basically just wanna crawl into my cozy little comfort zone at all times?

I couldn't tell the difference between what my heart was saying and what my head was screaming. 

Have you ever been in that place,Alexandra Covucci? For example you get an amazing idea for a project, and then feel like you're fighting yourself every step of the way? Or you have a nudge to reach out to someone, but then everything in you wants to hold you back?

"I don't feel the flow, maybe I just need to take a break"
"Perhaps it's not the right project if I no longer feel excited about it"
"Maybe this isn't the right opportunity because I don't really feel like it"

Lemme tell you something: the ego is really good at pretending to be your intuition, and she'll show up with her most convincing argument. 

But there are some key differences between your ego (fear) and your intuition that I wanna share with you today so you can start choosing which one you listen to:

Intuition:

- She's often strong, steady and sure of herself
- She often whispers constantly until you're ready to hear
- She works from trust
- She often knows the answer right away without questioning herself
- She feels light and energizing
- She's brave and ready to be courageous
- She wants you to expand, no matter the stories that are in your way
- She wants you to explore the space outside your comfort zone

Ego (Fear):

- She's often frantic, nervous, and all over the place
- She'll yell incredibly loud to make you listen
- She is worried about not being heard, so she'll keep yelling
- She often makes you question everything instead of feeling sure
- She wants to keep you small, so she'll try to steer you away from bravery and courage
- She wants you to get back to your comfort zone as quickly as possible

Start to pay attention to what choices you're making and which part of yourself you're listening to. Are you moving toward expansion, or are you continually fighting the same battles? 

Remember, you get to choose every step of the way.

xx, Alex

PS. I've got 1:1 spots to help you stop sabotaging your success, and start becoming a pro at manifestation, mindset, and self-mastery. Comment below and let me know if you're ready to learn more, or hop on a call here:
bit.ly/bizbreakthroughsessions

HOW TO FLIP THE SWITCH TODAY SO YOU CAN START MAGNETIZING MORE

I went through a period of time where my mind was telling me that mindset work was bullshit (eeek!). As a mindset coach, you can imagine how terrifying that felt, and as a woman-on-a-mission you can also imagine how frustrating that was. 

But here's the thing: the mind is always going to try to keep you comfortable and safe in your make-believe warm little bed called "staying-where-you-are".

It wants you to STOP what you're doing, retreat to safety, and never again move a muscle towards anything scary or otherwise BIG. That's its job. And sometimes it does it REALLY WELL. 

My mind is a minefield some days.

I know this about myself.

I also learned that I don't have to believe everything I think, and that it IS possible to flip the switch so I can start magnetizing instead of repelling. 

Even when my mind wants to convince me that it's ALL bullshit. 

Here's how:

1. NOTICE YOUR PATTERNS and when you start to unravel a little bit. You'll start to see that you have patterns of thought, patterns of action (or in-action) and patterns of retreating. The first way to start flipping the switch is to notice when you need to flip it.

2. MAKE A DECISION that you are going to step into a new role and identity. This isn't going to be comfortable or believable in the beginning. Don't let that wig you out. Just make a decision to trust that you can believe new things and start magnetizing more.

3. CHOOSE CONSISTENTLY. Changing your brain, your mindset, your ability to create results, your ability to magnetize, your ability to be visible ETCETERA, requires constant choices to be made by you. Every morning I write out a huge list of things I CHOOSE to believe. Show your mind how powerful you are by making the choice instead of letting things happen passively.

4. LOOK FOR EVIDENCE of what you want to believe being true. Has anyone else gotten there? Is anyone else magnetizing 5 clients this month? If anyone has done it, it's possible for you. Use evidence to your advantage, not to your detriment. 

And ultimately? Take action. Take action. Take action. 

You can absolutely start magnetizing what you want. Know what you offer, who you offer it to, and get out there and sell it. What stands between you and what you want is ultimately YOU.

Choose differently today.

You got this.

xx Alex 

ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT SHIFTS TO MAKE FOR ACHIEVING ANY SUCCESS

I remember when I was info-binging and trying to consume every magic pill available. I was signing up to E.V.E.R.Y. training, following every coach, and wondering what magic juice they were slurping up to be able to stand in their power, show up authentically, and rock it.

If I'm being honest, I also hired quite a few coaches hoping they would give me their secret answers and I would skyrocket to the top! (you've done the same, c'mon, admit it)...well, that never happened. Because I wasn't in the one mindset that makes the most difference:

"I am responsible: for myself, my actions, my mindset, what I create, my perspectives, my feelings, my consistency, etc." 

Boom.

That's it. And you may be thinking, "okay, Alex, I know that, big deal".  But KNOWING it and LIVING it are two different things.

Here's the thing: a lot of people I speak to really struggle with responsibility because they've (rightfully) associated it with kids, billz, 9-5 jobs, demands from your boss, cleaning the house, and so on and so forth.

So when you get into business for yourself (at the urging of the "freedom lifestyle promises"), it's an easy thing to overlook. In fact, our resentment for responsibility often lies in our subconscious mind. You don't even know you hate responsibility until it creeps up in your life in unsuspecting ways.

Here are a few questions to ask yourself to start to excavate your mind and see what your relationship to responsibility is:

1. When I say RESPONSIBILITY, what are the first few words that come up? Are the positive or negative? Are they fun or heavy? Are they exciting or zzzzzz...?

2. What was the last thing you complained about? (messy house? something not working in your biz?) What was ONE action you could have taken instead of complaining?

3. What's one action you know you could be taking, but you're not? What's the result you WANT and the one you're AFRAID of? 

4. What do you feel out of control within your biz right now? 

5. What part of myself am I denying right now?

Let yourself explore those and see what comes up. Once you change your relationship to responsibility and take action from that place, you'll be unstoppable, love! 

You're the magic pill.

xx, Alexandra

ONE IMPORTANT THING THAT MAY BE MISSING FROM YOUR MINDSET WORK

You can spend ALL day doing mindset work, feeling great, and shifting your beliefs + identity, but without one essential piece of the puzzle you won't get anywhere:

Taking. Aligned. Action. 

Mindset work is often spoken about separately than the to-dos of business but, in fact, they're so completely intertwined that one without the other is like a birthday without a cake...or, a bath without the bubbles...or, well, you get what I'm saying.

To take aligned action IS to further solidify your mindset work. Why?

Because the moment you take action is the moment you change the course of your life.

And that changes your stories.

Which change your beliefs.

And then your identity.

And, ultimately, everything.

When you act, you give new evidence to the beliefs you want to install. You give new life to the identity that you want to create. 

You BECOME the leader, not just the woman who's on her way.

Ask yourself where you can take aligned action, and then be daring enough to follow through.

Everything you want is on the other side of "fuck it". 

xx, Alex

PS. If you're ready to be seen, be heard, and be hired for the LEADER you are, I've a few packages left for you: bit.ly/bizbreakthroughsessions 

YOU WON'T MAKE PROGRESS IF YOU DON'T LOVE THE JOURNEY

Why?

Because you'll always be waiting to "get there".

You'll always be waiting to "arrive".

You'll always be waiting for something outside of you to shift.

For someone to make it easy for you.

To find the magic bullet.

To find the secret sauce.

To discover where all the hidden clients are.

To magically step into your power. 

But it doesn't happen if you're just waiting.

It doesn't happen if you're waiting on the end point.

If you're waiting to enJOY yourself.
If you're waiting to have fun along the way.
If you're waiting, waiting, waiting.

People are going to be drawn to YOU.

The way you show up, the way you speak, the way you put yourself out there.

People are going to resonate with YOU.

The way your energy feels + the way their energy feels when they're around you.

If you had everything you wanted right now (the $10k months, the droves of clients), how would you show up? 

- How would you feel?
- How would you have more fun in your business?
- What would you create?
- What would you say to your tribe?
- What would your message be?
- What would your energy be like?
- How would you take care of your body?

Start from there.

Start being that person TODAY so you can start enjoying your journey NOW. 

Show up from that place, and watch the magic happen.

xx, Alex
 

IT'S YOUR DECISION TO STAY WHERE YOU ARE

I remember the first time my girlfriend said that to me.
"It's your decision to stay where you are".

'Screw you', I thought to myself.

'Screw you for not understanding.'

'Screw you for not caring.'

'Screw you for not groveling at my feet and making me feel better, damnit.'

It's taken me a lot of breakdowns to finally get what she meant, and, today, I found myself saying the same exact sentence to a client of mine. 

So often we forget how capable we are of transforming, shifting, changing, and feeling the way we want to feel. 

So often we forget that we are the sole decision-makers when it comes to what affects us, what brings us down, and what can lift us back up. 

And so often there's a reason:

We unconsciously benefit -- in SOME way -- from staying stuck, staying low, staying hopeless, staying in the breakdown, staying in the same cycles. 

We benefit by: 
- being taken care of
- being "safe"
- being loved
- being saved
- getting a "break" (especially if you've been hustling)
- feeling more creative (as was the case for me)
- taking less responsibility
- having someone else give us the answers

and so much more...

But, it's your decision to stay where you are.

The same goes for business, mindset, romance, weight, and more. 

If you're ready to start standing out as the leader, creating content that changes peoples' lives, and blowing past the blocks that are holding you back from impact, income and freedom, hop on a free call and let's talk about how to get you there: 
bit.ly/bizbreakthroughsessions

It's your decision to stay where you are, and it's also your decision to shake your life up in more ways than you ever knew possible. <3 

xx, Alex 

PS. JOIN ME on December 19th for a FREE live masterclass: The Emotional Blueprint of Creating a Magnetic Presence: bit.ly/MagneticPresence