I came out around age 19 or 20 -- not because I was ready, but because I was forced to. Hours earlier, my then-girlfriend called me on the phone after a 2+ year secret relationship and told me that she didn't love me anymore, she didn't find me attractive, and we were over (spoiler: we got back together for a hot minute, like, two weeks later, but that's beside the point).
I remember exactly where I was.
I remember the first thing I thought to myself: 'I'm completely alone in this because I've spent years hiding'. (literally, no one in my life knew I was dating my best friend for 2+ years)
I had no floor under my feet, and I was convinced that everyone in my life would turn their back on me.
I remember walking back to my dorm room to write my roommate a coming-out letter (she was still asleep) and leave before I had to face the reality of what I'd been hiding. At this point, I wasn't so much scared of coming out as I was about being seen. I didn't know the difference until years later.
I'll spare you the gritty details of coming out to the other people in my life, spending days in bed with mountains of tissues, calling my mom(my) about 5 times a day at work, and obsessively cleaning my tiny little room to feel some sense of control when my world was falling apart, and I'll jump right to what I learned (that applies to you and your ability to manifest):
1. OUR FEAR OF PEOPLE TURNING THEIR BACKS ON US MAKES US TURN OUR BACKS ON OURSELVES FIRST (which ultimately keeps our desires from manifesting): this is hiding 101. We think we're hiding from other people (and that's how it manifests), but what we're really doing is hiding from ourselves, hiding from our truth, hiding from our power. The moment we shut down a part of ourselves (to please society, people, partners, clients, etc), is the moment we shut down our ability to show up as the powerful leader, manifestor, and conduit for creativity, love, and more. Hiding is an epidemic of denying ourselves OURSELVES.
I see this a lot with women I work with: they've got massive visions and goals, but they play small. At the core of that is often, "what will people think about me?", "will I still belong?", or some variation of, "will I be worthy?". Allowing our true selves to be seen (despite judgment) is one of the most radical acts of self-love there is, because it is an affirmation of the love we will unwaveringly have for ourselves.
Wanna know what happened when I let myself be seen? My world didn't end, it got bigger. I attracted more amazing people into my life, I got closer to my then-roommate (still my best friend), and my relationships got more meaningful, deeper, and more profound. Sure, I spent weeks crying and going through the spiritual growth spurt I needed to face, but everything ultimately got easier. All of that was available to me the whole time, I just wasn't allowing it. When you stay in hiding, you're also keeping what you want at an arms length away. When you stay in hiding, you stay in a state of non-receiving.
2. BEING IN THE (sexual) CLOSET ISN'T THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE HIDE: Spending two years in hiding did a number on me. In fact, the unconscious habit spilled into other areas of my life over the years. I carried a deep fear of judgment, I binge-ate to hide my body, I didn't let anyone come into my first apartment for fear that they'd see the self-help books I'd amassed and know how 'fucked up' I was, and more. I carried it into my relationships, into my business, and into my health.
And I see it all the time in the powerful entrepreneurs, leaders and coaches that I coach.
There are tons of ways people hide: staying in the spiritual closet, trying to be "realistic", giving up opportunities for fear of being inadequate, zoning out on FB instead of writing that blog post about coming out (calling myself out, haha), not talking about what they wanna talk about, not creating what they want to create, not aligning with their truth, not using their voice, and so much more. And that's where we deny all the ways the Universe is sending us exactly what we want.
We think we're keeping ourselves safe, but really we're hiding from what we desire most: our dreams.
So with that, I invite you to take inventory, see what / where you've been hiding, and give yourself permission to come out of whatever closet you need to come out of. Even if the rest of your world falls apart (it won't), your most powerful self will be waiting on the other (and so will I).
And remember, everything you want is on the other side of 'fuck it',